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[16 Nov 2007|04:25pm] |
life has some strange parallels/cycles or something like that
case 1....my name is lili (lee) and I currently spend most of my time with some people named ian, jamie, mike, stewart and george...
there are more but I can't be bothered to think of them
I also keep finding myself running between places...running away from the people I love/love me...I wanted to leave home so badly..I left....but now I keep running back from uni....but then I get restless and run back to them....I really don't know what's wrong with me...everything is so up in the air
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[07 Nov 2007|07:39pm] |
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i'm pretty sure my myspace has been hacked or is featured on some profile because 60 friend requests in one day is ridiculous no?
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[06 Nov 2007|07:09pm] |
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i am not the same person i was 6 weeks ago.
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[29 Oct 2007|10:38pm] |
staring problem, i can't stop staring i have staring problem!!
saturdya night was amazing, it's nights like that a) make me want to document every outing like i used to an b) forget about absolutely everything else
the only downside was my comedown was worse than ever, and seeing ali was unbelievable but then he left...and now i miss him more than ever, not only is he like my best friend but when you think you're over someone but then realise you still have a hideously inapporpriate crush on them it still makes you want to rip your heart out all over again
the thing is....the little things still add up. i am home next week and who knows......
halloween this week and i cannot wait......
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[14 Oct 2007|05:52pm] |
We all have a weakness, but some of ours are easier to identify.
Look me in the eye and ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again, yes you are my friend.
We all have something that digs at us, at least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up,I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me
Sing this song, remind me that we'll always have each other hen everything else is gone.
We all have a sickness that cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how hard we try.
We all have someone that digs at us, at least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up I know you'll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me.
Sing this song, remind me that we'll always have each other when everything else is gone.
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[05 Oct 2007|11:26am] |
I should have been able to tell by the name
3 letters, 2 syllables, 1 name. each of them saying exactly the same thing. I didn't have my usual brothers and sisters but I have some new ones and they have my back and for this I am very lucky!
match the quote to the ian
"lets keep this on the down low?"
"lets keep this on the down low."
"keep this on the fucking down low."
I may open my mouth just to spite all three of them!!!
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[23 Sep 2007|09:41am] |
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thursday was my last day on earth and now I am in the car driving to my new home, the first of 5 in as many years. the 3rd one really scares me more than anything but I think it is something I have to do. I left a lot of people behind, the last 3 weeks have dragged more than any before, I used to be waiting around for something I wasn't looking forward to or just waiting for nothing. I had the time of my life and I am sad that I have grown so close to people I didn't know I could and then had to leave them. new beginnings etc etc but maybe I won't really know what I had until its gone...
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[27 Aug 2007|11:24pm] |
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"What i go after, i want to go after. I don't want it to come after me."
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[07 Aug 2007|03:29pm] |
ahhhh I just had the most tension filled run in with ali...I was just kind of like...err....hey....how's it going?....and now I want to crawl into a hole and die
ahh well I won't have to deal with him much longer, I just wish I could talk to him and not sound like a dick, plus his brother was there and I know he went "who was that?" after they walked away....fdhsjyuikoasqwkerjghwejyuriska
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[02 Aug 2007|12:02am] |
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I just realised that tonight I have been more candid and more honest with someone I hardly than I have been with my closest friends. they have never seen IMs or texts from this person and I think maybe they don't believe I really know him...but the latest addition to my phone book does and has given me more advice than I ever needed to know...
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[28 Jul 2007|09:28pm] |
I've made mistakes, they keep me company
oh man what's up with me?
well I've changed, its comforting
ok I just wanted to post off my sidekick
I am at my familys house in portugal, I have been checking the weather for NYC all the time and I am now thinking neon party for the blessed day
nine inch nails are playing on my birthday in wolves but it is sold out and I will clearly never be able to touch trent reznor up
silverchair are also playing when I get back...I will actually go by myself if I have to!!
I remixed dolly parton today and so now it basically says FUCK YOU COOP but not in as many words
I realise I am not making much sense it may be because I have been eating a large amount of japanese food and sitting in the sun and I am fried like a chicken....
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[22 Jul 2007|09:11pm] |
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music |
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death cab - brothers on a hotel bed |
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it feels really strange to be sat here at home after weeks of being a nomad
i just had the most insane week of my life, part of me never wanted it to end, but in a wa i'm glad it has, no we can all finally move on instead of waiting around for another year
i feel like i should be...
going for E2.50 fry ups with gina the dog
waking up to sam, charlie, josh and panda every morning
making more ant catchers
swimming to the pont une
getting down and dirty to westwood [i emt tim westwood and it was hilarious] and hed kandi
or at a foam party
getting in JCBs
not going to bed before the sun comes up
going into twins, rolling stone, tango, memphis, lush, rocky's or bettle bar
avoiding ellie and ali like the plague
not wearing any clothes
lunging
eating peaches
drinking fish bowls
shouting WATKINS AND SHORTY at nick and Q
and so many more things that i can't think of
but i'm not
although i have realised how amaing my 24 brothers and sisters are and how much i will miss them all in october i have seen what people are really like, for better and for worse. there are people i thought i could trust and were good people, but aren't and there are people i did not think were but have risen so much higher in my estimation.
now i'm sober i can pick the weeds and keep the flowers
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[27 Jun 2007|06:45pm] |
today i learned that my mother has a brain tumour
it has been growing for ten years
they think it's benign but they're not comitting to it because they don't know
it reminds me of that part in that song baz luhrman did where he says
"The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday."
i'm not really sure what to say
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[20 Jun 2007|07:09pm] |
i keep spilling beverages on my keyboard, the other day it was diet coke and now i just poured water all over it. i think i'm subconsciously trying to stop myself from writing messages to people, seriously i just can't stop writing messages on myspace and facebook lately...
to clear my thoughts...
i miss PCH
i miss 20 on 20 radio
i miss swingers
i miss stalking
i miss gatorade
i miss air conditioning
i miss sun
i miss accents
i miss the smell of abercrombie
i miss the grove
i miss "have a nice day"
i miss walmart
i just generally miss southern california
i would write i miss my sidekick, but i got it back today finally, i have enevr been more excited about anything in my life.
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[15 Jun 2007|08:31pm] |
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when i was younger i remember driving through hermosa from LA back to palos verdes. i looked to the right at the sidewalk and i saw a girl in one of those open phonebooths and she was scrunched on the floor with her knees pulled into her facing the road. she was about 20 and she was crying hysterically down the phone. i remember looking ta her face and for the first time recognizing pure emotion in one face and that she was alone, no one would help her, no one driving past and noth the person at the end of the phone. that image still hauunts me years on, but i don't know why. i guess we never really know why we remember some of the images we do, but the fact that this one has stayed with me really irks me and even more so when it unexpectedly comes to me when i'm lying around doing nothing. years on, i wonder how she is and if her problem ever got sorted out....
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[07 Jun 2007|09:47pm] |
while i was running yesterday i put a song on that goes like this...
"we've been on the run, driving in the sun, looking out for number 1
california here we come, right back where we started from
hustlers grab your guns, your shadow weighs a ton, driving down the 101
california here we come, right back where we started from
on the stereo, listen as we go, nothing's gonna stop me now
california here we come, right back where we started from
pedal to the floor, thinking of you more, gotta get us to the show
california here we come, right back where we started from..."
i know it's about something totally different but that song totally relates to my life right now, in the least 'emo'-kid way possible.
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[07 Jun 2007|09:40pm] |
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lately i've been a complete control freak about eating and exercise, evn more than usual. i guess deep down it's because i can have complete control over it and it's the only thing i feel like i have control over in my life at this point. i guess i do have control over what's going on right now, but i don't feel like it's me pushing me, like it's not for my benefit even though it is. maybe on one level it's not even me pushing my legs to run further, or pushing food in my mouth but i'm the only one to feel the benfits of that. with that i won't ever feel like i've let anyone down but myself.
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[04 Jun 2007|07:47pm] |
my orignial hero
someone really needs to come see that band with me in august.
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[22 May 2007|07:09pm] |
more hideous and more inappropriate every time i see him
this year i've been in a state of ekasia, now i have something to look towards it's given me the incentive to do things i should have done a long time ago. it's been a long time coming and where i've given up before i'm more determined than ever as i know i can't be the same way forever. i've seen a vision of my life and i want to be delivered....[sorry]
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[16 May 2007|08:08pm] |
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i have a hideously inappropriate crush on my best friend. shenzi.
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